I was going to marry her, and I was very serious about it. I went to one of the best Jewelry design places in all of the city, and asked them about making a ring that was a fish, because she was my little fish.
I ended up just bringing her in and having her do sketches to help design the ring. We designed it together and picked out a stone together. She loved wearing it and it was a symbol of our love.
When we broke up, two months away from our planned wedding date, of course she gave it back to me. I spent almost two thousand dollars on it, but there’s not much about the materials themselves that are worth that much. The cabuchon sapphire, the small chips, and the little diamond from a ring of my grandmother’s, plus the metal, wouldn’t amount to much. The real value is in the custom time that we and the craftsmen put into carving it and forging it.
Now I still have it and have no idea what to do with it? Sell it for a couple of hundred dollars at most and let it go to some stranger? Give it to her in ten years as a symbol of our enduring friendship? (we are still very close friends) Throw it into the sea? Who knows. Until then it will sit in my closet…easily the saddest object I own.
Tags: engagement, jewelry, lover, ring, wedding
Other People's Thoughts
Speaking from personal experience, don’t throw something like that way. Keep it until you are ready to make a decision about it.
— Jess Thursday May 4, 2006 #
I had something similar happen, I threw it into the lake. It’s best not to keep things like that around.
— Dan Thursday May 4, 2006 #
Wait don’t toss it yet, the meaning you feel it holds will either fade away or hold steady. If it holds steady I think giving it back to her years from now is a great idea or perhaps one day you’ll have a daughter or granddaughter to give it to and it’s meaning will grow. If the meaning fades away do what ever you like with it. I enjoying finding things like that at the bottom of junk drawers or in my old storage trunk to rediscover years from now the flood of memories can be very refreshing.
— Christy Friday May 5, 2006 #
whatever you deceide-it’s a beautiful ring and a unique design. when you do meet the right one, I can only imagine the design then!!
— anne broyles benner Friday May 5, 2006 #
I threw mine into the sea and later regretted not selling it instead. So don’t just throw it away; use it to buy something else at least.
— Crash Saturday May 6, 2006 #
At the World Forestry Center in Portland, Oregon (USA) there is a section of tree with pitch fork tines sticking out of it. Apparently some farmer leaned the pitchfork against the tree and forgot about it. Eventually the tree grew around the pitchfork. Just enveloped it.
My wedding ring is embedded in the branch of a tree somewhere in the Cascade mountain range in Oregon. I slipped it over the healthiest branch I could find of the right size. Most likely it’s part of the tree now.
I’ll never regret doing that.
— llyn Sunday May 7, 2006 #
put it up 4 bid on ebay
— ed Monday May 8, 2006 #
I kept my engagement ring after I broke up with my fiancé because my cousin told me to. I was not so sure but did put in a safe deposit box hoping for time to give me clarity. I am glad I did. He never repaid me all the money he borrowed. He drank it all away.
My hurt faded away with time and I eventually used the diamonds in the wedding ring I now wear.
I will give the rest of the diamonds to my daughter. Whom I will always love.
— Debbie Monday May 8, 2006 #
Cool ring dude don’t toss it! I mean come on you’ll get over this gal and move on to the next one and only. You must remember this (and ladies I mean no disrespect) Relationships: Women are like buses, another one will come by in about twenty minutes. Cheer up
— Patrick Monday May 8, 2006 #
My mom gave me her wedding ring after her messy divorce from my father. I really didn’t want it. It had nothing to do with me, and my father is not a pleasant man.
I took it to a pawnshop, threw the receipt, bought stamps for the money and sent an empty envelope (with an awful lot of stamps) to my father.
I dissolved the ring in a metaphorical way. Felt quite good.
But, your ring seems to stand for something good, that sadly didn’t work. Your relationship has just changed into something else. Maybe your ring is soon to be a good memory? Just a keepsake of a certain time in your relationship.
— Tessa Wednesday May 10, 2006 #
pls dont throw it away’
the love of your life—will cheerish it. definately you have someone lurking around cus you are love personified.you will both decide on what to do with the ring and possibly decide to give it out to charity.In the process you helped the needy and earned a genuie smile from someone.
— stellabams Sunday May 14, 2006 #
I like your idea of giving her the ring on the tenth anniversary of your friendship. Close and dear friendships sometimes work out better than a shaky and unhappy marriage.
Since you’re not concerned about its monetary value, giving it back to her as a sign of your friendship seems like a good idea to me. Actually, a beautiful and thoughtful idea.
Don’t throw it away or hold onto it forever. It’s a beautiful piece that deserves to be worn by someone you care about.
— Gina Monday May 15, 2006 #
keeping it is better i think.Never feel regretful for loving people.Can find a person and catch affection for him/her,which is enough lucky for us.Cherish this nice feeling.Some sad emotion now you have is also a king of love.But we will go through this process.Anyway,loving should be respected.
— Carol Friday May 19, 2006 #
Such a unique design. never have seen something so beautiful. Am I allowed to copy it? I like blue and fishes too.
— Joachim Friday May 19, 2006 #
Very unique design but I could understand the weirdness of keeping it..However, at least it wasn’t thousands of dollars though. I don’t suggest putting in on ebay. I’ve looked at rings…you won’t get much for it. However, maybe you can take it back to the jeweler and get store credit and get something for yourself? Nice watch? Money clip? Either way….I’m going to sell my ring back to a jeweler today and it’s going to help with my down payment on a house. firstname.lastname@example.org
— Michelle Saturday May 20, 2006 #
I think you should wear it yourself. Have it made to fit your finger and enjoy a friendship ring that two friends designed together. Whenever you see the friend that helped you design it, you will show her what her friendship means to you, even now!
— Wendy Saturday May 20, 2006 #
remove the stones and melt the metal down and rebuild a ring for yourself which you can love and treasure. You deserve it
— emily Thursday June 1, 2006 #
Dont throw the ring away. Just pawn it get what you can and go out on a good drunk, get laid, and stop worrying because there all the same and some are worse.
— Dustin Tuesday June 27, 2006 #
It’s not the ring that is sad, it’s you that is…. :( ——- But rings are tough – no beginning, no end, forever and never. I would put it away somewhere and come back to it. Had a similar thing happen. It does get easier, I promise. Not right away though. Metal is tough. Hearts, not so much. But that’s the good and bad about hearts.
— Peony Monday July 10, 2006 #
you want her back dont you ??
— shane Monday July 24, 2006 #
Good friendships last longer than most marriages, cherish the friendship and give the ring back to her in 10 years. Great idea..you have a good heart..good things will come your way.
— Margaret 2006 Tuesday July 25, 2006 #
Whilst giving it as a “friendship ring” in ten years sounds awfully romantic, how do you think your future wife (if you should want to marry) would feel about that?
— Kathy Friday September 8, 2006 #
My ex-wife got a boob job with the $$ she got from selling her wedding ring! What can you do?
— Ryan Nuckols Friday September 15, 2006 #
I was married for 2 1/2 yrs and when my wife left me she gave me back the 2ct ring I had given her. I can’t even look at it because it reminds me of how proud she was to wear it and what it meant to her. I hate that ring and I’m trying to sell it right now. I thought about saving it for my daughter but I think its bad luck. Sell it man, cause every time you look at it you will be reminded of how she stole your heart then smashed it.
— Troy Monday September 18, 2006 #
I would get rid of it if I were you. Either sell it or give it away. I never wanted the ring I bought for my ex-fiance back after we broke up. It helped me get over the whole thing faster… Good luck anyway.
— John Tuesday September 19, 2006 #
I have no clue but, when you figure it out tell me what you did. I broke up and he wouldn’t take the ring back. I’m over it, but it still means something to keep it. Although, from a girls point of view, if you do move on and meet someone new she won’t appreciate you wearing, or giving the ring to your daughter. Saving it is okay, but anything else will, no matter what she says, make her jealous.
— Liz Saturday September 23, 2006 #
It is difficult, I am going through the same thing right now…I feel your pain…it really sucks…I don’t know what I am going to do with mine…I just know it is really a shame, hopefully time will heal our hearts and then we will know what to do with them…My best to you…
— Bob Wednesday October 4, 2006 #
I was shocked to see that someone else threw their engagement ring into a lake. I just did the same thing tonight. I agree, don’t keep things like that around…its a monkey on your back.
— Kristen Tuesday October 17, 2006 #
I cant believe you would consider giving it back to her in years to come. Try explaining that to the next love of your life….
— rachel oct 22 birmingham uk Sunday October 22, 2006 #
Have you considered how a future partner may feel if you were to give your ex back this ring as a sign of eternal friendship? One could argue that you havent been able to move on. My advice, sell the ring, what you had with this girl is now over, sad but true. Time to move on and enjoy the future. Life is to short to waste time pondering over such matters. Sell the ring and enjoy the cash.
— rachel oct 23 birmingham uk Monday October 23, 2006 #
I found your story b/c I found my old engagement ring and was thinking about selling it. When I looked at it, it brought back all kinds of memories and although it was nice to remember it also sucked thinking about what could have been. I will not keep the ring so I can move on and I hope you figure out what to do so you can be at ease!
— Lila Tuesday October 31, 2006 #
She made me promise that I would never leave her. We made life plans, we lived, loved, and learned, and then I learned that she used me to prop herself up for the next best thing. The engagement didnt even last a year, it ended abruptly this summer, I am still in shock. She said she needed her space. She crushed my heart. She made me feel special, until I found out that she was just selfish. My five thousand dollars could have been spent on something more practical. Even two days before I asked her to marry me (Thanksgiving 05) she told me that I am the only person she would ever want to be with. We made wedding plans, we made life plans, our families were happy for both… it seemed a relationship made in heaven… until she got her masters degree and told me that she wished I too had a masters degree… The only reason she achieved her masters degree was with my help… She cant spell, or write, and my friends, she is now a teacher, and she is dating a soon to be teacher that is one semester away from getting his masters degree. The hurt is unimaginable, and the ring sits in a safe. I could get $2500 for it easy- it is platinum setting 1.5 karat diamond.
The ring is it is graved “Bella” for the woman I believed would be, could be and should have been the only true love of my life…and I knew that the ring would one day be passed down to a grandchild Her hair is so beautiful her heart is like stone never saw it coming should have Thanks for the site it has helped my pain… email : email@example.com
— Eric Friday December 1, 2006 #
Well…i pray God’s will be done for you…it is a beautiful ring! Does she know how lucky she was to have had you? My husband never gave me a engagement or wedding ring…AND, he recently threw the one i gave him away…when he was mad at me!!!...then he was angry with me for being upset when i noticed…
Things could always be worse…
May you find true happiness and love.
— Z-Me Tuesday December 12, 2006 #
I just read your story and felt really bad for you. I hope you do hold on to that ring, not as a symbol of how things went wrong, but as a reminder to you how much you really loved someone and hopefully you could pass that down to your children, instead of wasting it by throwing it away. Maybe one day you’ll have a son who’ll be looking for a ring…. hopefully he could put it to use where you couldn’t. Just a thought.
As for me, I don’t want to seem like I’m spamming here or anything, but I am actually trying to raise some money online for an engagement ring. I’m hoping to propose to my gf in a year or two. If you guys have time or are interested in helping out, please visit my site at www.myringforher.com
p.s. I Hope you figure out what you want to do with your ring.
— Rommel Saturday December 16, 2006 #
The same thing happened to me. My question didn’t regard the ring. More importantly I needed to decide whether to toss myself in the lake.
— Trevor Sunday January 14, 2007 #
I guess all you guys are american. I am a boring english girl Im afraid with a badly broken heart. I found out my fiance was sleeping with my best friend and some. I have a beutiful ring with no meaning and I think it is now time to sell it. I dont know? Will it help you feel better if I ask your advice? What do I do?
— Sophie Monday January 15, 2007 #
The ring is beautiful and the thought behind it is fantastic , you both were so creative to design such a beautiful ring together as you said it may not be worth much financialy by comparisson to the sentimental value so to give it away would be a sin as nobody would understand the history of the ring the way and your ex do and i would fear therefore people would not appreciate it the way you do. You could give it to your ex however from my own experience my guy would not be to happy to see me wearing a ring that was once ment so much to me that was once was my engagement ring no.. as sweet your idea was i fear this might end up at the bottom of a jewlery box.. This ring should be shown off!! you cannot give it to a new lover either as it is a very personal item however if you had a daughter well now that would be someone you love more than life itself and you could tell her the story .. it could be her something blue on her wedding day trust me don’t throw it away hold on tight and the perfect opertunity will arise and the ring will get the respect it deserves
— Hel Ireland Tuesday January 16, 2007 #
I think that it is important to love, but it is also important to be able to let go of love…
I would not hold onto it…or give it to her. If I were you I would throw it into the sea I think and begin anew.
— Kimberly Wednesday January 31, 2007 #
Give it to the woman…It was supposed to be a gift for her in the first place- why do you still have it?
Let it be the saddest thing she owns – It will make you much happier.
— Cobble Monday February 12, 2007 #
I’m encouraged to hear of a friendship resulting from a divorce. I recently got a divorce and am left with unpleasant feelings towards him. Things got pretty nasty when we were together and I guess it’s hard for me to forgive people for their nastiness (I hope one day I will forgive and forget though). I like your idea of giving it back to her, given your nice relationship. As for me, I’m ready to sell mine, but I have no idea how to go about selling it. Any ideas anyone?
— lauren Lagano Sunday February 25, 2007 #
Don’t throw it.When something bad happens to you ,you don’t start getting rid of all the things related to it.Try to remember the good time coined with the ring and make the ring a sight to sooth you.
— Ann Sunday March 4, 2007 #
i was engaged to be married on March the 24th of 2007. she called off the wedding on January 30th saying that she “wasn’t ready”. it broke me down temporarily, but i feel a whole lot better now even though it’s only been a month or so. we’re on good terms and still love each other. i just realized that she’s still a kid and was/is scared to death of getting married.
i paid $1400 for the ring which was a pretty good deal. it’s platinum with 1.5 ct worth of diamonds in it. but it is only a hollow circle of metal with rocks in it. the reason i got the ring was a lie. the person i got the ring for was not the person i gave the ring to… if that makes any sense.
anyhow… i’ve had the ring up for sale in the local bulletin board/trader for a month now with not one single call. i’m starting to wonder if i should try ebay. i would put my heart on ebay… but it’s broken. HA! that was smoothe.
— Jeff Tuesday March 13, 2007 #
Had the same thing happen a month ago – He broke off our engagement.. But didn’t even say that – Just said he needed space & a break (the polite way of saying “I don’t want to be with you anymore”) Hasn’t asked for the ring back, nor has he spoken to me since he did this -not one phone call, email, card, letter – nothing, nada, zip! So, I know how painful it is to look at something as a reminder of what was and what would have been.
I gathered up everything that reminded me of him, including my ring, put it in a box and tucked it away in my Hope Chest while going through everything. I was still thinking maybe he’d change his mind, etc. But knew while going through it all just not to do anything – too emotional of a time.
I have decided what I’m going to do with the ring though! Drempt it 2 nights ago: On Easter, actually at the church service vigil the night before, that I’ll write a letter to God asking for forgiveness b/c of my bitter feelings, thanking Him for being with me through all the anger and hurt and the lessons I’ve learned through this humbling experience, share my forgiveness to this person for what he did and then ask if it’s His will and in His time to please send me my future husband & soul mate -I’ll then fold up that letter, place the ring inside, seal the envelope and place it in the church’s collection basket – and just give it to God!
I’m sure it sounds crazy – and perhaps it is – but I just can’t have the ring around – And perhaps I should just send it back directly to him, but this was a commitment we made between ourselves and God – and he hasn’t contacted me since -Sure I could hoc it – I’m in the hole from this man in preparing to move (cross country), purchasing the dress, etc and get back some of the money owed to me but just feels better giving it back to God – And even though I’m Catholic, something karmaic feels right about it too.
Anyways, I just think to always follow my heart and instints with things like this – What feels right, what I’m able to live with – etc. And know it’s different for everybody b/c each individual situation is different.
Anyways, thanks for your posts and all the replies you got are great support to read – to hear others who’ve gone through it – good support – It’s a tough thing to get back on two feet from – So thanks to all for posting.
Something my daughter (I’m widowed – she’s 18yrs) wrote for me on her MySpace:
“One day you’re going to wake up and realize how much you care about her and how amazing she really is… and when that day comes she’ll be waking up next to the man who already knew”
(It’s accompanied by “Leave the Pieces” by The Wreckers!)
— Paige Monday March 19, 2007 #
Love what your daughter wrote Paige!
I am still struggling what to do with my rings, I was married for fifteen years. My husband cheated on me and the rings are just painful reminders of this.
What do you do with the wedding albums that also cost thousands?
— Lisa Sunday April 1, 2007 #
Thats great!! I should have done the same. The best thing is that though you two brokeā¦ both of you are still a good friendā¦ greatā¦ thats a humane relationship.
— Jeet Gurung Monday April 9, 2007 #
Really it is a sad subjectā¦
My fiance and I broke up in the beginning of January. We donāt really talk at all, but saw each other last week for the first time in almost 3 months. He hasnāt been able to sell the ring and he doesnāt know what to do with it. He says itās the ring of hopeā¦He tried to give it back to me, but I told him the only way I would want an engagement ring is if I was to marry the person. We both are having a hard time letting go, because weāre still in love. However, I donāt think we can be friends, and we donāt want to get back together. And to tell you the truth, I donāt think we ever will. We have good reasons why we broke up, and right after the break up we ended up in very bad terms.
I adviced him to sell the ringā¦ but again, he doesnāt know what to do with it. It hurts that he is still holding on to itā¦
My advice is: donāt keep the ring. Sell it or donate it to charity. Keeping it just feeds that little hope inside youā¦ and you have to be realistic, although it hurts like hell.
— Carmen Monday April 9, 2007 #
Whatās really sad is that I never even owned an engagement ring. I will be married 11 years and my husband never had the money to buy one for me, or any other luxery for that matter. I do have a wedding band but it doesnāt make up for a real engaement ring. Itās very painful and I cry alotā¦Itās all I ever wanted and I never really cared what size the ring was. My older friends and family already know I donāt have a ring and my new friends ask why I donāt ever wear one. I tell them I donāt like it anymore, itās an old 90ās style. That is the sadest lie I ever told. So even if you donāt want to keep an engagement ring because it brings back bad memories remember there is someone out there that would die to have a ring!!!!
— Michelle Sunday April 15, 2007 #
Your ring is beautiful, but the sadness is evident. I say the sea would be the most poetic optionā¦
I have a ring story of my own:
When I got engaged I didnāt want to be a bother so I suggested that we reuse a diamond from his dadās old pinky ring. We got it reset, got engaged and later marriedā¦6 months later he left me to go back to Turkey (his country of origin) to deal with his depression that had come as a result of leaving his country to marry me. Itās been 2 months and still no progress.
But back to the ring. His father and mother divorced when he was a teen and their relationship has been rocky ever since. Even though I am not superstitious, I believe the ring is cursed. Rings are such personal objects and I think should only be regifted or reused if the original owner had luck in love and life. Needless to say Iām getting rid of it as soon as the right opportunity presents itself.
I do not think you should give your ring of sadness to someone else that you loveā¦
— emily Tuesday April 17, 2007 #
Such a tough one. I read these posts because I am thinking of selling my engagement ring. Iām finding it so hard to move on from the end of this relationship, like some of you my fiance just kind of wandered off with the usual excuses āitās not you itās meā¦ I havenāt really been feeling the sameā¦blah blahā and given that it had taken him 3 months to even tell me that much I was devastated. Soā¦ itās now 9 months on and weāre not in touch (my idea, but heās such a coward that it must suit him very well) Iām about to finish my doctorate, right on scheduleā¦ we would have been married this July, and on the day after what would have been the wedding Iāll be flying to Barcelona to present at my first international conference. All my work dreams are coming true, despite the horrible time Iāve had and Iām so grateful. But I am brokeā¦so selling the ring makes senseā¦ but itās so sad.
But you know what, just writing this makes it clearer, Iāll sell it and pay off some of my student debt. Maybe this ring can finally buy me some peace of mind, something I donāt really think I would have had if Iād married him. In the end, he wasnāt who I thought he was.
Thanks for listening.
— Esther Tuesday May 1, 2007 #
I am selling my engagement ring in a hour! It feels good to me. My ex broke off our engagement several months before our wedding. My bridesmaids and I already had our dresses, the venue, hotels, our honeymoon trip to spain was already paid for, etc. I know its bittersweet holding on to the ring. I suggest either selling it or making it into something for yourself. It is gorgeous! Reading all these posts makes me think we place too much value on rings. I still have the ring that I was so proud to wear... that I thought symbolized our loveā¦ but what I donāt have is the man I was ready to spend my life with. Lets all learn a lesson and next time put more emphasis on choosing the right person and less on the sentiments. Its a a shame to spend so much money on bad relationships. God Bless and I wish us all peace and healing for our hurts!
— Lady T Wednesday May 2, 2007 #
this is an amazing story and beautiful ring. never ever throw this ring away. in fact, im surprised she even gave this back to you. if i were her, i wouldve kept it. who says it has to be an engagement ring? you say your close friends, why cant it be a friendship ring? either way, never just toss this beautiful piece of jewelry. one day when ur old and gray and have little to no memory left, you will look at this ring and the memories and feelings will come rushing back to you. and you will feel exactly as you did when u first decided to design the ring. oneās memory is a funny thingā¦it tends to āforgetā the bad and preserve the good. keep it. :o)
— melissa Thursday May 10, 2007 #
Dude, melt it down, it has no meaning unless she is wearing it and your married.
Just so you know i sympathize. My ex-fiance jsut gave me back a 1.6 carat solitaire designed by me especially for herā¦cost me 25 grand. I took it back, and i am going to sell the diamond, and melt the ring into a ball, get a slingshot, and shoot the thing as far as i can.
— BV Tuesday May 29, 2007 #
Five years ago, my husband gave me a beautiful diamond ring at our Silver wedding anniversary party, in front of a 100 guests and gave a speech saying how happy he was. He left me three months later (at Christmas) to be with the woman he had been having an affair with for a year or so. I could not bear to wear or even look at the ring for years afterwards and tried unsuccessfully to sell it. I now have a new partner and my ex and I are good friends. I even wear the ring occasionally. Time does heal. Maybe meeting someone new will help you recover ā it worked for me. Be happy.
— Diane Wednesday June 6, 2007 #
Wow, that is a lovely ring. I hope the man I marry one day will be so loving, creative, and thoughtful. I was engaged several years ago, and he was the most controlling, thoughtless, selfish person I have ever known. I have a marquis cut diamond solitaire he never wanted back, except for about a year after we broke up and he called me telling me he wanted it back so he could sell it to buy a plane ticket to go visit his brother ā I started to cry and he said nevermind. I have tried to sell it to jewelers, but they never offer much. I have decided to persist, keep trying to sell it and use the money to pay off my student loans, because I know I am worth it and so is my education. I hope that you find all the answers you need and that everyone that has been hurt on this post to find real happiness and love, which is not found in a piece of jewelry, no matter what it cost. If anyone is interested in a 1.11ct solitaire for half of its appraisal contact firstname.lastname@example.org. Peace.
— Cameron Thursday June 14, 2007 #
My fiance had a relationship with someone else during our engagement. When I found out, I ended it. The strange thing about the ring was that although it was a beautiful, sparkly platinum thing, I always hesitated to wear it. I told myself it was because I wasnāt used to wearing jewelry of that value but I suspect that deep down, I knew something was wrong.
It sits in its box, I hate looking over at that side of the drawer. It gives me that hollow, achy feeling. Iām undecided as to what to do with it.
— Brette Tuesday June 19, 2007 #
My fiancĆ© decided to break off the relationship and I asked for the engagement ring back.
The way I see it, the ring is an offering from a man to a woman symbolizing a life long commitment together. Since she flaked, I took the ring back ā Itās that simple. I painstakingly picked the right diamond and setting and made sure it was absolutely perfect. I plan on melting down the platinum and shaping it into a different setting when I meet the right woman. At this time, the ring will have more meaning to me because it always symbolized my love ā which changed and took on a different shape.
The way I see it, it would have belonged to her the moment we both said āI doā ā Then I would have never asked for it back.
Anyone that would destroy a ring for the sake of feeling better is being too emotional. Find the right woman, melt the ring down and start over with a different design. Remember, during the engagement process itās YOUR ring, not hers.
— Matt Wednesday August 8, 2007 #
I just broke up with my fiance. She is moving out in 5 days. Today is the one year of my proposed engagement to her. She is giving me the ring back and I canāt believe the pain. I think I should sell it. I paid good money for it, approx $4400. If I get 2/3 of that back I would be thrilled. Small consolation in terms of the price paid on my heart breaking.
— LB Saturday August 25, 2007 #
My ex-boyfriend sent me this link, after I officially broke off our engagement this weekend and gave him back the ring. (He has an opinion that women are money grabbing, and I didāt want to add fuel to that fire).
He like you, had a ring made especially for me ~ to match my colouring. I know it has killed him to keep it. In fact I could only make him take it back by sneaking it into his bag.
However, much as I appreciate those who say they would have loved a thoughtful engagement ring ~ all I ever wanted was a good man, someone who listened, and would give 100% to our relationship and our future. No matter how beautiful and creative that circular piece of metal and stones is ~ itās only an object, and does not a happy relationship make.
I am pregnant with our first, and only child. He doesnāt know yet, but itās a girl.
I hope he does keep it... even if itās with someone else, and I hope he gives it to our little one, one day.
But if not, as lovely as it was ~ and even though itās a symbol of something that was once so precious ~ like the ring itself, the value is never as much as when the relationship was shining and in tact and when it was first bought.
I notice a year has passed since you first posted this. I hope you have moved on, and that you are happy now. All of you.
— Ffyona Monday August 27, 2007 #
Well, Iāve had a similar experience. Iām currently wanting to sell my diamond ring. We broke up together, and knowing he wonāt be having any use for the ring, Iāve decided to sell it to either a jeweler or a friend.
What I have done is purify the diamond by running it under cold water to take away any negative energy it may have (youāll be surprised what stones can somehow keep) and pray over it asking God to bless the ring and bless whoever will buy the ring.
A ring like this is meant to bless the couple. You may not experience happiness from it now, but someone else will. Sell it, regardless of the money value. Just know that someone else will buy it and be blessed. I do advise praying over it, or have someone you know pray over it. Let it be cleansed from the negative emotions. It may sound odd to you, but itāll be worth it, trust me. Commitments are very spiritual. Itās about two spirits wanting to unite as one.
— Cassie Thursday September 6, 2007 #
I recently got married, August 14th of this year. On October 3rd I found in my husbandās bedside table a box of jewelry including a diamond engagement ring which he had bought for his ex-girlfriend! Although they had split up in 1999, he still hung on to her damn diamond for 8 years and forgot to ever mention to me that they were engaged!!!
If you plan on having a happy futureā¦ throw the past away! This little find of mine has ended any trust I have ever had in him, and any thoughts for the great future I thought we would have together. Maybe if you explain this ring to a present ālove of your lifeā before she finds it hidden beside your bed 5 years AFTER she moves in with you, like I did, she would understand, but as for me, I do not want another woman or her memories in my home, let alone my bedroom!
Giving it back, only represents the feelings you still have for her and women love to soak that stuff up.
Iād suggest to put the ring and the story that goes with it on EBay and put the past in the past where it belongs. I may sound bitter, but as a newlywed wife who thinks of nothing except a divorce over a piece of damn jewelry, I believe that if you canāt let go of it, how on earth can you be a happy person with anyone else?
Try dating a woman who still wears her ex-fianceās diamond and see how it feels. There are other fish in the sea and the one on that ring belongs somewhere out there with them.
It is a beautiful ring, Iām sure someone would treasure it if they knew the story, but unless you think she will come back to you, I would get rid of it. I wish to God my husband had gotten rid of that thing in his night table before I found it! We would be MUCH happier today!
— Trish Sunday October 14, 2007 #
Bro, that ring is beyond ugly. Maybe that is the reason why she left you. If I were you, I would blast it into space like the Barry Bonds baseballā¦
— PUKE Thursday October 18, 2007 #
That is a sad story. I wouldnāt keep the ring unless I wanted to keep the romance.
I gave my engagement ring to a charity that supported the children of Darfur.
You might consider giving the ring to a charity that you believe in?
I agree with TrishāIf I found out my new husband had clung to an old engagement ringāYou donāt even want to know! If you want to be happy in the futureālet go of the past romances, Dude!
— Cheryl Saturday November 3, 2007 #
You guys broke off an engagement and are still best friendsā¦No one thinks thatās weird?
— JM Wednesday November 14, 2007 #
At least she gave it back! My ex is trying to keep the $3000 ring I bought her because āthere is no way to send it back.ā Need I mention that honesty was an issue?
I was going to have the diamond made into a diamond stud earring, but Iām a doctor and I donāt think my patients want to see me that way! Maybe Iāll sell it and give the money to the soup kitchen. At least some good can come of it, eh?
— selkie Monday January 7, 2008 #
I know how you feel. Iām getting divorced and my wife gave me her engagement ring and wedding ring. When I moved out I took all the wedding photos and photos of us because I knew she would destroy them. Just because the relationship is over, I donāt want it to be erased. Iād still like to remember the good times and learn from the badā¦ I donāt want to sell the rings but I might need the money for a lawyer. It is sad a symbol of love to turn into an object like thatā¦ All of these things sit in the bottom of my closet and Iām afraid to look at them right now. You might as well keep the thing. Itās like your ārosebud.ā
— Steven Saturday January 12, 2008 #
I gave my engagement ring to my ex a few months after broken up, and I just found out that he put it on a necklace and gave it to his new girlfriend!
what do you guys think about this?
is it tacky or what?
By the way: redesign your fish ring, but do not throw it away!
— Stella Monday March 3, 2008 #
How lucky you are
I married him 11 years later we divorced my engagement ring was sold to put food and cloths on the children he left me with nothing only 3 cases of clothes for me and 3 children
he remarried and did the same to the 2nd
but today I have 4 lovely grandchildren and love and respect and I did remarry
the 2nd never gave me a ring
but we did part as he hated my children we had no children between us
but a ring is a ring
I believe if you part before you marry then sell the ring and both get half of the cost of it
if married she keeps it
end of story then it goes to the oldest child of the Marriage
— Grace Monday March 3, 2008 #
I almost got married ā but instead I took a job in Dubai and now Iām alone in the middle of nowhere. I thought going overseas would be the cure for everything.
— Mike Thursday March 6, 2008 #
We were together for 6 months, he proposed I said yes and 2 months later he said he needed space and wanted to be aloneā¦i hate him for this, but at least i didn't waste half my life figuring out he was an assā¦anyway, now i have this ring and don't know what to do with it? do i give it back or do i keep it for a while?? he is still making payments on it so if i don't give it back right away then i will screw him because he can't return itā¦ help!
— Maria Friday March 7, 2008 #
I'v just split from my other half after 2 and a half years and i still have her engagement ring , we were going to get married in september but that fell through as she had to have an operation and also at the time i was arguing with her a bit to as you do in all relationships . since september we have been together until last week were it just went bad due to issues around us . She has gave her wedding dress to a charity shop which i didn't know until last week it really hurt knowing this but also i had to understand she is only human to.I'm now in a situation were i have her engagement ring and she says i should get rid of it but i dont want to do that i love this her so much and she loves me to , i just feel like my whole world has turned upside down i cant eat or sleep iv cried more times than a new born baby in the space of a week !also the fact she comes from a wealthy family and i don't is an issue for her family , we also were different religions and because i love her so much i changed my name and my religion to be with her ! iv never been this close to any one i really believe shes my soul mate and wen were not being all coupley were like best mates ! iv had a few partners before her but they don't compare to her . i really don't want to let go of her as i love her so much and the hard part is i feel no other woman can compare to her ! iv heard the saying theres plenty of fish in the sea but she was more than just a fish to me she was my rock my strength and now i feel weak and lost and confused with out her! i even see other couples and it upsets me !she says were bad for each other i dont believe that for a second ! we do so much together its unbelievable !! if i had to describe her i would say she is the female version of me !and everything about us fits for example she doesent like the crust on bread and i love it ! or we could buy a bag of mixture sweets and 9 times out of 10 the sweets she dont like i love and the ones i hate she loves !! i just dont know where to go from here it had been a whole week since we broke and i had not seen her until today but in that space of time i must have got my self in the guiness book of records for sending the most sms texts , voice mails and even emails !!after seeing her today she started crying as she saw how its affected me she even commented on the fact iv lost weight ! so she took me to eat but my heart was not in it ! to be honest my hearts not in anything nowadays ! i just dont know wat to do ?? i don't want to lose her or give up on her i don't want to sell her engagement ring as it holds sentimental value to me more than the actual value of the ring , i have never proposed to any one until i met her and i would propose to her over and over again and not get bored of it ! I don't want to make her sound like shes an evil witch shes far from it, shes a great gal and always made me laugh and smile,also i was no angel in the relationship and theres always two sides to a story. I'm just so lost and i don't know wat to do ? im not crazy far from it i'm just crazy in love with her ! and now i'm left with a princess cut platinum diamond ring ! And i'm left cut up by my princess !!
— Rana Jai Saturday March 8, 2008 #
Wow, this site is great. Thank you to everyone for those heartbreaking and hopeful stories. I hope everyone here recognizes getting rid of the ring is the only correct answer. After my fiancĆ©e dumped me for another guy, I attempted to sell the ring and was shocked and angry when the jeweler told me how much heād pay for it. So stupidly I held onto it and perhaps a small part of me stupidly held onto a wish that sheād come back. Now years later, we havenāt spoken since the breakup and I just found out sheās since married the other guy. While I will always hold on to the truly great moments of our relationship, this ring is a constant reminder of the worst day of my life. Iām getting rid of the ring tomorrow. I donāt care how much Iām offered.
— pete Monday March 17, 2008 #
Why not create new meaning for it by donating it to be auctioned off to help someone in need? Pick a cause that means something to you.
— Loretta Thursday March 20, 2008 #
I lost the most special woman in my life, and I have the ring I spent a month shopping for with my mother, the person who my finance thought held a grudge against her for not being the same religion as I.
In reality, my mother did not hold a grudge against her, but perhaps ultimately saw my fiancesā wavering affections subject to her overriding wanderlust.
I, a tortoise, could not keep up with my hare. But my direction never wavered, and I donāt think it ever will. I do still have the ring in my garage, and I sometimes gaze at the box when pulling a pair of scissors from the drawer they share.
Sometimes, like all of us, I want to alternately smash it, melt it, sell it, bury it, drown it. For me, there is still mystery there, there is still me in there. When I let go of my ego, my attachments, and my inherited motivations, perhaps the spark will fade. Or perhaps it will become brighter than everā¦. I see it as a beacon for my own truths. Not something to stare at, but refer to when needed to sense my own truths.
Yes, I think I will let it be for now. I have infinite room in my heart, especially for a resource as precious as love- like all truly precious resources, it is one that only dies a death of neglect. How can there be a limit on the heart?
After all, a limb cut from a tree may be dead, but it is never useless. Yes, it could be burned, but instead I will fashion this tragedy into an experience that will support the ever growing vine of my spirit, weaving its many ways through an ever more complicated journey, a story all told during this short, short growing season called life.
— cognitdiss Monday March 24, 2008 #
I would save it and give to the next girlā¦take a picture and send it to the ex..but for only $2k I can see why it didnt work out.
— Bryan Thursday March 27, 2008 #
I have a similar story to many on hereā¦ got engaged in 2000 to a woman I thought was the one. Not so much. Sheās a great personā¦ just not for me.
I tried to sell the ring at first. Was shocked at how little I was being offered from different jewelers. So I decided to just hold onto it until I could figure another way to get more moneyā¦ or maybe repurpose it for someone else. NOT use it for another engagement, but use the stones for a friend or something.
Iāve since been seeing new, phenomenal woman for a year. She knows my story, and has known about the ring. Sheās had a HUGE problem with the fact I still have it. The only reason I do is laziness. She thinks Iām holding onto the past.
Three weeks ago her jealousy got the best of me. I broke up with her. And now Iām regretting itā¦ all because of stubbornness about a stupid ring I donāt even care about.
Guys: a piece of advice. If some connection to your past relationship is still hanging around and your current woman gets upsetā¦.GET RID OF IT IMMEDIATELY. Itās not worth the trouble. I would do anything to get this woman back, and the fact I was too muleheaded to sell/donate/give this ring is killing me.
I really like the idea of donation to a charityā¦ you will get screwed on selling it to a jeweler, pawn shop, etc.
— steve Monday April 7, 2008 #
i agree it is sad. i dunno what to think…do u think u might get back with her if the ring makes u sad still it sounds like u havent gotten closure. dont do anything with it if u might want to get back with her…have u talked to her about it
— mari Monday June 23, 2008 #
who knows? maybe in 10 years you two will find one another and love again. keep it around…maybe the timing wasn’t right….yet. best of luck!
— kat Thursday August 14, 2008 #
I am sorry for your loss. I hoped you have moved on and met someone who appreciates and values you. My best friend recently broke off an engagement with a man that she loved. He decided he did not want children. She was born to be a mother. Having babies is a dream she cannot deny herself of. Recently she asked me what she should do with the ring and I so insensitively said pawn it. So I was looking for how other people have delt with the pain of loosing love. And I came apoun your site. I am interested what you have done with your ring. What is so wild is this ring that you created is very similar to what she described her dream ring to be. She always wanted the saphire with small diamonds and the fish is so fitting for her being that she is a pisces and is a fish in the water. I would love to know where you are at with things? What helped you get through the break up? What did you do with the ring? Sincerely, Angela
— Angela Tuesday September 23, 2008 #
My old boyfriend had just gotten out of the navy. We had gone back together after a few months broken up. I was very much in love with him, but after a couple weeks, I became concerned about his drinking. I mentioned to him that I wanted to be a Christian. Well, I was a Christian, though not a perfect one. He told me that he just couldn’t go along with that. He blew me away. I just could not think of any reason that he could possibly object to my being a Christian. So, I just instinctively handed his Class ring back to him. He seemed fine with it. No arguments. I was crushed. My good friend told me later that he had shown her an engagement ring that he had for me and she said it was beautiful. Well,
imagine my surprise when a few months later, this
cute, sweet-looking girl comes running up to me in a club, asking my name. I tell her and she holds out her hand and gushes, “Look, what he gave me”. She was positively shaking. All I could do was tell her how beautiful it was, all the time coming apart inside. It was a big, beautiful solitare. I will never be able to wrap my head around that situation. I was completly, totally in love with him. But, I think maybe he did not feel the same, as he let me go so, so easily. Anyway, I guess he married the girl. I never asked many questions concerning him as the hurt was too great.
— Jill Saturday April 11, 2009 #
Who desigend teh ring, it is very attractive. Even if you have had a sad run of it remember.
First: If you had married she would have torchured you for the rest of her life or until she got tired of it.
Second: You can make some cosmetic changes if you need, go to a persona coach if you want or read “The Game” a book about how to pick up women and you can get another woman with three months tops. (that is what I did).
— Night train Thursday August 27, 2009 #
I just recently found out that my boyfriend for almost 2 years still has the ring that he gave to his ex fiancee! i was furious for a while..but some friends told me that they advised him not to throw it away or sell it bec he’s not going to get the same value for it. But im not sure anymore..i dont know what to do. Im not sure if he’s just holding on to past feelings? he’s gotten rid of everything else but this ring. I cant even tell him this bec he’s out of the country and will not come back till a week from now.
— ... Tuesday September 8, 2009 #
The ring is beautiful. I believe in never doing anything quickly when it comes to making decisions because I have and I have regrets now. I hope you have kept it and put it away and let time help you (i don’t believe time heals anything but instead buries the pain until it resurfaces as something else)so, save it for now and see what the future brings. If it didn’t hurt you to wear it yourself i’d say do that. Save it for a son or daughter you have in the future. I would not be jealous if my “now’ hubby gave his child something he had for an ex. I don’t understand ppl who throw things into lakes and such. I would love to have an engagement ring from the man i’m with now. Though it is just a material thing and the relionship is what really counts. If i didn’t have children i would melt my old one from my ex down and wear it as a different ring. But i have children who may someday want it. btw i was married 23yrs before i finally walked out after he was so controlling and cheated on me. I still hurt to look at it ten yrs later and me, remarried to a wonderful man that can’t afford to buy a fancy ring but is faithful to me.
— tendr Thursday December 24, 2009 #
My ex-fiance broke off our engagement two days after he took me for a wonderful meal at the venue we’d chosen for our wedding reception. Seems extremely cruel considering he admitted to having doubts for a month or so before. He even waited until my family were all away on holiday to end it all, as he was such a coward. Must have thought my soft-as-a-brush yet 6ft2 fireman father would come looking for him!
We got back together, but at christmas he decided we were on a break (which I didn’t want) and found a new dalliance (unknown to me at the time) for the christmas period. When that all went wrong and she told him to get lost, he tried to get me back again. I’m ashamed to say my self esteem had taken such a battering that I nearly went back to him again.
The only thing that stopped me was his friend who, tired of seeing me get hurt repeatedly, told me about his constant infidelity.
He had insisted on me buying him an engagement ring, to which I did not object, only to be told by his BEST FRIEND that he had always removed it when he went out without me. Such a snake!
It’s many years later and I’m getting married in a few months to a fantastic guy and the love of my life. I kept the ring as I didn’t know what to do with it and eventually I asked my husband-to-be to take it to a charity shop run by the hospice who looked after my sister so wonderfully during her illness. I think he really enjoyed handing it over! I’m also extremely glad that rather than throw it away at the time in a fit of rage, a deserving cause has benefitted!
— Hayley Monday January 11, 2010 #
Im about to sell my engagement ring because my fiance of 6 years cheated on me. I feel a little superstitious about it, but Im sure that there is no way back for us, so Im going to use the money to move somewhere new and give myself the fresh start that I know I deserve. Your ring is very unique and it would be nice to keep it for a daughter or granddaughter.
— Louise Tuesday February 23, 2010 #
I guess i’m not the only one who was stuck with a ring 2 years after the broken engagement ;)
That’s ok I’m over it now. I was holding the ring for a while until one day my girlfriend (who is now my wife) found the engagement ring and asked me to sell it, I obviously wasn’t thinking about giving it to my next fiance! So I ended up selling it to a jeweler who gave me the best price for it, (Mizrahi diamonds)I did end up selling it for less than I paid but I guess that’s the case with anything that you have to sell as second hand. I’m happy I did it though, there was no use having the ring seating in my closet.
— Happily Married Tuesday March 16, 2010 #
In my case the fact that my x handed the ring back that I gave her simply men’t that she does not love me. I wore the ring for a while and finally decided to get rid of it. I can not give it to anyone else because it has been tainted by sadness. Don’t keep the ring if you want to be happy.
— Luka Tuesday June 15, 2010 #
its 2010, about 4 years from when the fish ring sad story was written and yea lost love engagement rings still rule.My fiance (ex) ended it for me as well last week and there is no hope on getting back together, am left with the beautiful antique ring of my dreams. it was the perfect ring for my perfect marriage and love. so now am left with the perfect ring and robed of the ring of my dream with the perfect husband when he comes. unfortunately i wonder if i would ever get a ring so perfect as my first. As far as what am going to do with it – selling it and donating the money to my home Country’s orphanage.
— melc Monday September 13, 2010 #
i love u
— shamella parker Monday October 18, 2010 #
The Saddest Thing I Own is a 2005 commission of New Radio and Performing Arts, Inc., (aka Ether-Ore) for its Turbulence web site. It is supported by the Jerome Foundation in celebration of the Jerome Hill Centennial and in recognition of the valuable contributions of artists to society.